※ [本文转录自 NBA 看板 #1PUZKYq8 ] 作者: hitman0527 (990) 看板: NBA 标题: [专栏] Players' Tribune: Done in The Dark by Lamar Odom 时间: Fri Jul 28 02:46:54 2017 四、专栏：由媒体专栏、运动网站、运动部落格文章，须满足１５０字， 　　　　　　　　转贴者须附上原文网址连结以及出处．每 ID 每天限发一篇专栏． 由板友撰写者，请用分类[心得] -------------------------阅读後请按ｃｔｒｌ＋ｙ删除--------------------------- 原文网址:https://theplayerstribune.com/lamar-odom-done-in-the-dark/ When I woke up in the hospital room in Nevada, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. I was trapped inside my own body. My throat hurt like hell. I looked down and I had all these tubes coming out of my mouth. 当我在内华达一间医院醒来时，我全身都无法动弹。我无法开口说话。我感觉被困在自己 身体里。我喉咙痛得要命，结果我低头一看，有一堆管子插在我嘴里。 So I panicked. 我当时非常惊恐。 I started trying to pull them out, but I couldn’t because my hands were so weak. The nurses came running in to stop me. You ever had a really bad dream, where you’re trying to run away from a monster or some shit, and you just can ’t run? Your legs don’t work like they should, and the monster is coming right behind you, and it’s like you’re in slow motion. That’s what it felt like. 我尝试把管子拔出来，但是我的手完全出不了力。马上就有护理师跑过来阻止我。你有没 有做过类似的噩梦，梦里你被某种怪物追然後你想拼命逃走，但是你的脚就像黏在地上一 样不动吗? 你的脚不像平常一样能跑，然後後面的怪物已经追到你後面了，感觉就像你陷 入慢动作一样。我当时的感觉大概就像这样。 I was laying there, looking up at the ceiling, and the doctors kept coming in and standing over me and saying some stuff. Then they’d leave. Then they’d come back. Leave, come back. Leave again, come back again. Or maybe I was just going in and out of sleep. 我就一直躺在病床上看着天花板，医生们会进出我的病房然後说些话然後又离开。然後他 们又回来，又离开。离开回来，离开回来。也有可能只是我昏睡而已吧。 My ex-wife was there in the room with me. After all the shit I had done, I was surprised to see her. Honestly, that’s when I knew that I was probably in bad shape. 我的前妻也有进病房陪伴我。我满意外他会出现，毕竟我干了满多蠢事。那时我才想到， 我现在状况应该非常糟糕吧。 At some point, the main doctor came in and told me what had happened. He said, “Mr. Odom, you’ve been in a coma for the last four days. Do you understand?” 有一次我的主治医师过来告诉我我到底发生甚麽事情。"Odom 先生，你已经昏迷 4 天了， 你听得懂我在说甚麽吗?" I couldn’t talk. So I just nodded. He said, “It’s a miracle that you’re here. We didn’t think you were going to make it.” 我无法讲话，所以我只好点头。他又接着说 "你现在躺在这里真的是奇蹟，我们都以为你 撑不下去了。" I was in total shock. Couldn’t say any clever shit back. Couldn’t ask questions. It was the first time in my life that I felt helpless. I felt like I was two inches tall. It was just … it was real. 我完全吓坏了。我无法回嘴，也无法问任何问题。这是我一生中第一次感觉完全无助。我 感觉自己只有两寸高。这感觉...只能用真实来形容吧。 At that point in my life, I was doing coke every day. Pretty much every second of free time that I had, I was doing coke. I couldn’t control it. 那时我天天都在吸古柯硷。真的是任何我有空的时候，我都在嗑古柯硷。我无法控制我的 毒瘾。 I didn’t want to control it. 其实我根本也不想克制自己。 I remember sitting there in bed, and for the first time in my life I couldn’ t talk my way out of the situation. I was trapped all day in my own thoughts. And I kept thinking about something that my grandmother used to say to me when I was a kid. 我还记得自己坐在病床上，然後意识到自己一生中第一次无法靠耍嘴皮子脱离困境。我被 困在自己的脑海跟思绪中。然後我一直想到我奶奶小时候跟我说的一句话。 I could see her face, like she was right there in the room. “What’s done in the dark,” she would say, “will come out in the light.” 我仿佛可以看到她的脸，好似她就在病房里陪着我。 "在暗处发生的事情，总是会在明亮中曝光" 她这样跟我说 I think of all the sneaky shit I tried to get away with. All the times I did wrong. All the stuff I tried to hide. If it’s not in the public light, it’s in God’s light. 我想到我做过的那些偷鸡摸狗的事情。所有我犯的错误，跟想隐瞒的丑事。就算这些事情 没有曝光在众人眼前，也在上帝面前一目了然。 I was laying there in that bed, hooked up to all these machines, people all around me crying, and there was no running from it anymore. It was like God was telling me, “Whatever the fuck you think you’re doing, you need to slow down. Or it’s gonna be worse than this.” 我就这样躺在病床上，身体被接在一堆仪器上，身边的人一直为我哭泣，而我无法逃避这 一切。我感觉像是上帝在告诉我: "不管你他妈你想干嘛，你最好三思而行。不然你下场 绝对会比现在还惨" Only one thing worse than this. 我也只想得到一件事情能比我现在的样子还糟糕了。 Rick James said it best. “Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” It’s a hell of a drug. Rick James 讲得最清楚了 "古柯硷真是他妈该死的毒品"。它真的是这样。 It will make you do things you never thought you’d do. It will turn you into a different person. It will put you in situations where you say to yourself, “How the fuck did I get here?” 它会让你做出你完全没想到自己会做的事情。它会让你像是变了个人一样。它会让你陷入 莫名其妙的情境，然後你就会问自己 "我他妈到底怎麽沦落到这个地步的" When I was in that hospital bed, I kept asking myself that question. And I kept thinking about all the people in my life who aren’t here anymore. Mostly, I thought about my mother. My dad wasn’t really around when I was a kid. He had his own problems with addiction. But my mother was my best friend in the world. She was just so caring. My first memory in life is hearing the sound of her voice. She had these really wide eyes and a real soft voice. 我躺在病床上时就一直问自己这个问题。然後我一直想到那些已经不再我身边的亲朋好友 。大部分时候我都想到我妈。我爸在我小时候不太常在，他自己也有成瘾的问题。但是我 妈是我世上最好的朋友。他是如此的关爱我。我人生中第一个记忆就是听到他温柔的声音 。他拥有又圆又大的眼睛加上非常温柔的声音。 If we were at a family party everybody would ask me, “Lamar, where’s your mother? Where’s Cathy? Where’s Cathy?” She was like the center of the universe in Jamaica, Queens. 如果我们参加一个家庭聚会，大家都会问我 "Lamar 你妈在哪里? Cathy 在哪里呢? 在哪 ?" 他就像是皇后区牙买加的宇宙中心点。 I remember when I started playing peewee football, I was already big as hell. I could take care of myself. But I got hit on this one play, and I was just dinged up a little bit. I’m on the ground for six seconds or seven seconds max, and just as I’m about to get up, I hear my mom’s voice. She’s running from the sideline out onto the field. Sprinting, yelling, “Mookah! Mookah! Talk to me, baby!” 我还记得当我开始打青少年橄榄球时，我块头已经非常壮了，也懂得照顾自己。不过某次 play 里我被撞翻了。我大概躺在地上 6 或最多 7 秒钟吧，然後我突然听到我妈的声音。 他从边线跑到场中央，边跑边大叫"Mookah! Mookah! 你还好吗宝贝?" That was her nickname for me. She gets to me and I’m like, “Mom, what are you doing? Are you crazy?” I mean, this is New York City. Everybody’s looking at me like, Yo. Come on, man. She says, “Mookah, Mookah, are you O.K.? What hurts?” I said, “Mom, I’m fine. Get the hell off the field!” She's like, “O.K.! O.K.! I’m going! I just gotta make sure you're alright." Then she went back to the sidelines like it was nothing. That was my mother. She always had my back. 那是他取给我的绰号。他跑到我身旁，然後我不可思议的对他说 "妈，你在干嘛啊? 你疯 了吗?" 我的意思是，这里是 NYC 耶。每个人都盯着我看，像是在说 "Yo 老兄 你们到底 在干嘛" 我妈问我 "Mookah, Mookah, 你还好吗? 有没有哪边会痛?" "妈没事啦! 你快点下场啦" "OK!OK! 我要走了!我只是想确认你没事。" 然後他就像甚麽事都没发生般走回场边了。这就是我老妈，我知道我随时都能依赖他。 When I was 12 years old, she got sick. I knew she had colon cancer, but I didn ’t really know how bad it was. She kind of kept it from me to protect me. I just remember that she went into the hospital for a while, and when I went to visit her, it seemed like she was getting … smaller. Like she was disappearing, you know what I mean? 我 12 岁时候，她生病了。我知道他得了直肠癌，但是我不知道当时情况有多严重。我妈 当时并没有讲明她病情的严重性，我猜也是为了保护我吧。我只记得他当时住院了一段时 间，然後我去探病时候我一直感觉她越来越缩水。好像整个人都要不见一样。 One day, when my grandmother was driving me home from the hospital, she said, “You know, your mother is probably going to pass away soon. I just want you to be ready.” 某一天我奶奶从医院载我回家时，她告诉我 "你知道，你妈妈可能撑不久了。我只是想让 你心里有点底" The day that she passed away, I remember going to see her, and I remember how the cancer had just ravaged her body. Like if I could go back to that time, and you could put me in that room, I probably wouldn’t even recognize who she was. Her face was so small and she was bleeding out of her mouth. And she kept saying “Mookah, Mookah….” 我还记得她走掉那天我去探望她，我记得癌症当时摧残她身体的模样。若是我回到过去再 次看到她的话可能会认不出她是谁吧。她的脸感觉那麽小，嘴角还流出血。她嘴里一直重 复念着我的绰号 "Mookah, Mookah..." I just sat right next to her bed, and one of the last things she said to me … I still think about it every day. She said, “Be nice to everybody, Mook.” I don’t think anything can prepare you for losing your mother at 12 years old. It leaves a mark on you. I don’t care how strong you think you are. 我坐在她床边，听着她跟我讲她的最後几句话。我现在还是会一直想着那些话。 "Mookah, 对每个人都要很好唷" 她这样对我说 我觉得没有任何事情能够让一个 12 岁的孩子心理上准备好失去母亲。我不管你觉得自己 有多坚强，这事情会在你身上留下一生的印记。 The only reason I was able to get through that time was because of my grandmother, and because of basketball. Those two things protected me. On the day my mother died, I went straight to the park to play ball. It was all I wanted to do. It was an escape for me. 当时帮助我撑过来的为二支柱是我奶奶跟篮球。我妈妈去世那一天，我直接走去球场打球 。那是我当时唯一想做的事情。对我而言那就像是逃离现实。 I remember the news had started to get around the neighborhood about my mom, and people started showing up at the court. Then more people. After a while, the whole block was out there with me. 我记得我妈过世的消息在社区传开来，然後人们开始聚集到篮球场来。过来一段时间，几 乎整个社区都来了。 I had this feeling, like, It’s gonna be alright. Your grandmother has your back. Your neighborhood has your back. God has your back. 我那时一直觉得事情会好转。我奶奶支持着我，我的整个社区也支持着我，上帝也支持着 我。 So go on. Get on with it. Keep going ’til you get your suit and you shake that old man’s hand. 所以就埋头让生活继续下去吧。继续努力下去直到我能穿着西装站上舞台跟那老头握手。 See, I used to have this vision in my head, from the time I was 10 years old. I could already see David Stern up at the podium calling my name, saying what team I was going to, and me kissing my family. I could already see it. 我大概十岁时候就有这个梦想。我可以预见 David Stern 站在台上叫出我的名字，并说 出我被哪一队选中了。我会跟我的家人拥抱并亲吻她们。 You might think that being a kid from New York City, with drugs around all the time, that my problems started a long time ago. Or that they started when I got drafted by Los Angeles. But that wasn’t the case. I never wanted to touch anything stronger than marijuana. I definitely never touched cocaine. I actually looked down on it. 你可能认为我在纽约出生长大，身边一直都有毒品，甚至可能很年轻就开始吸毒吧。或是 被快艇选中时候就开始吸毒之类的。不过事实并非如此。我当时完全不想碰比大麻还强的 药物。我当时也完全没有吸古柯硷，事实上我还非常排斥。 I didn’t try it until I was 24 years old, when I was on summer vacation in Miami. And … I wish I could tell you there was a reason for it. There wasn’ t. It was just an asinine decision I made. If I knew that it was going to affect my life the way it did, I would’ve never even thought about it. Never. But I did it. It turned out to be a life-altering decision. 我一直到 24 岁，在迈阿密度暑假时才试过一次古柯硷。而且...我真希望我能说我这麽做 是有甚麽原因的。但事实上我只是做了一个非常愚蠢的决定而已。如果我当时知道古柯硷 对我往後的人生有这麽大影响的话，我打死都不会碰。但是我还是吸了。而吸古柯硷转变 成改变我人生的重大决定。 Right around that same time, my grandmother passed away. I lost a lot of family members in a short period of time. When I did coke, I felt good for a minute. I stopped having so much anxiety. I didn’t think about the pain. I didn’t think about death. So I kept doing it more and more, but I was still in control. It wasn’t like an everyday thing. 差不多同个时间点，我奶奶过世了。我在那一段期间失去了很多朋友跟家人。当我吸毒时 ，我有一阵子感觉好多了。我当下不会感到焦虑，不会感到痛苦，也不会想到死亡。所以 我就越吸越凶。不过我当时还在可控制自己的情况下，我并没有天天都在吸。 Then, about two years later, I got a phone call that changed my life. It was the summer of 2006. I had been out partying all night, and I hadn’t gone home. 然後两年後，我接到一通改变我一生的电话。那是 2006 年的夏天，我一整晚都在外面开 趴没回家。 My son Jayden was six months old at the time. He was at home in his crib. I should’ve been at home with him. But I was out, doing whatever. Early in the morning, I got a call from his mother. She was panicking. I was like, “Yo, calm down. What’s wrong?” And she said, “Jayden … he won’t wake up.” I said, “He won’t wake up?” She said, “Yeah, the ambulance is here. They’re taking him now.” 我6个月大的儿子 Jayden 在他的婴儿床上。我应该待在家里陪他的，但是我却在外面鬼混 。一大早时候，他妈妈打电话给我。电话中她很惶恐。我回应她"Yo 冷静下来。发生甚麽 事了?" 然後她回我说 "Jayden...他一直不醒过来" 我问她 "他醒不过来?" 她又回说 "对，救护车来了。医护人员正在带走他。" I was in Manhattan. I had to drive all the way to Long Island. When I got to the hospital, the doctors just told me that, you know, “He's not responding.” They said, “He’s gone.” I said, “Gone? What are you talking about? I just seen him. Gone?” 我那时人在曼哈顿，我得一路开到长岛。我终於赶到医院时候医生只告诉我 "他没有回应 ，他死了" 我回说 "死了? 你们在讲甚麽鬼话? 我才刚见到他，怎麽可能走了?" Man, my son was vivacious. Real lively. Whenever I used to walk into a room, he would just like … look at me, and stare. Of course, he couldn’t talk, but he just used to stare. He used to use his eyes a lot — let me know that he kinda understood. Like, Yeah, that’s my dad. What’s up, Dad? 我儿子非常充满生命力。每当我走进一个房间，他都会盯着我看。当然他还不会说话，但 是他很喜欢盯着我看。像是用眼神在跟我沟通一样，对着我说 "嘿对，那是我爸。嗨老爸! " I just seen him. Gone? How the fuck is that even possible? How can he be gone? I walked into the hospital room … and the hurt on his mother’s face, I’ll never forget that. How she couldn’t believe it. Six months old. Gone. He’d be 11 now. 我不久前才见到他。走了? 这他妈怎麽可能?他怎麽可能就这样走了? 我走进病房时见到 他妈妈脸上痛苦的表情，我一辈子都无法忘记那画面。她也无法相信他就这样走了。 6个月大而已。就这样走了。 如果他活到今天，应该11岁大。 I used to think about what he would look like if he was still here. Actually, I still think about it almost every day. The doctors told us that the cause was sudden infant death syndrome. It almost sounded made-up. No explanation. No answers. Just … gone. Like that. And you’re supposed to just accept it. You’re supposed to live with that. 我之前会一直想像他如果现在还活着会长怎样。实际上我现在还是会几乎天天想到他。 医生们告诉我们死因是婴儿猝死综合徵。这病听起来像是医生掰出来骗我们的。没有其他 解释或答案。而你应当就得接受这结果一样，并继续活下去。 I think everything probably picked up at that point, with the drugs. Even subconsciously. You don’t even know why you’re doing it at that point. I think subconsciously, you make yourself an addict because of the trauma that you’re going through. 我想我大概是在那时开始停不住吸毒。就连潜意识下，我都不太清楚自己为甚麽要这样做 。我想潜意识下我因为各种打击让自己成瘾了吧。 With cocaine especially, there’s a high, and then an emotional low. So it’s like a roller coaster. You go high, and then you go low. High, low, high, low. After you do it, you feel shame. You think about all the reasons why you shouldn’t have done it. Then the cycle starts again. 吸古柯硷情绪会有一种特别的高潮跟低潮。有点像是坐云霄飞车一样，你爬得高高的又又 重重的往下跌。高潮，再低潮。又高潮，又低潮。吸完毒之後我会感到愧疚。我想到一堆 我不该吸毒的理由，然後恶性循环又开始，我又回到吸毒。 That’s the thing people don’t understand. Anybody who’s lived a complicated, drug-infused life like I’ve lived knows the cycle — with women, cheating on my wife, shit like that. Nights when I should have been asleep. Nights when I stayed up sniffing coke. Lot of those nights. When your heart is beating fast. When you should know better. When you’re just riding that roller coaster, man. 我想大部分人都无法了解这点。任何有过错综复杂又充满毒品的生活都会懂我在说的循环 ---跟女人厮混、背着妻子偷吃类似的鬼事。该睡得时候在外游玩，或是彻夜吸毒。好多 深夜里，我心跳异常的快。我知道自己不应如此。但我只是继续搭云霄飞车。 You think I wasn’t feeling shame? You think I was blind to what I was doing? Nah, I wasn’t blind to it. Shame … pain. It’s part of the whole cycle. My brain was broken. As the years went on, and I got into my 30s, my career was winding down, and things just got out of control. When I was like 32, 33 … I just wanted to get high all the time. That’s it, just get high. And things got dark as hell. 你以为我不感到羞耻吗? 你以为我瞎了不知道我在对自己做甚麽吗? 不，我视力好得很。 羞耻...痛苦。这些都是循环中的一部分。我的头壳坏掉了。随着时间流逝，我步入 30 岁，而我的生涯正渐渐的崩坏失去控制。 当我 32, 33时我整天只想着要吸毒 high 一下。就这样，high 一下。然後事情变得很黑 暗。 One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room, getting high with this chick, and my wife (at the time) walked in. That probably was like rock bottom. 我一生中最黑暗的点大概是我在汽车旅馆跟一个女人一起 high 的时候，然後我当时的老 婆走进来。那应该是我人生谷底的时候。 First of all I was in a motel. A motel. I’m a millionaire. I’d made it out of Jamaica, Queens, and won two NBA titles. And I’m in a motel, with some random person, doing coke. But I just wanted to get high with this girl, and I had no other place to go. I couldn’ t take her home. You know, I was being a scumbag. Nothing else I got for that. No excuses. No bullshit. That’s just the truth. 首先，我人在汽车旅馆。一间汽车旅馆。 我是个百万富翁。我靠着球技爬出来皇后区牙买加，还赢了两个NBA总冠军。然後我在一 间汽车旅馆跟一个随机的女人一起吸古柯硷。我只是想跟这女的 high 一下，我也没别的 地方能去。我不可能带他回我家吧。你知道，我当时就是个彻底的浑蛋。没有别的理由， 没骗人。这就真相。 My dick and my habit took me down all the roads that you don’t ever wanna go down. A lot of great men are fools to that. Fools to that. There are probably a lot of young dudes out there who hear my story and think that it could never happen to them. That they’re untouchable. Man … Nobody is untouchable. Nobody in this life is immune to pain. 我的小头跟我的恶习让我走了你永远都不想走的路。很多人都对这方面很无知。我猜大概 有很多年轻人听到我的故事，然後想说这不可能发生在他们身上。他们自认为无坚不摧。 老兄，这世界上没有人是无坚不摧的。现实中没有人会对痛苦没感觉。 (中略一小段 Odom 自己小时候发誓绝不会去坐牢的故事) When you’re an addict, nothing can get through to you. I never thought I was going to die. I never thought I’d be in a coma. I didn’t think I had a problem. But then I woke up in a bed with tubes coming out of my mouth — and it was real. The doctors told me that right before I woke up from the coma, my kids had come by to see me. And that broke my heart, because I had seen my own mother on her deathbed, with tubes coming out of her mouth. 当你成瘾时，你感觉不到事情的严重性。我从来没想过我有可能会死掉。我也没想过自己 会昏迷不醒。我甚至不认为自己有问题。但是某天我突然醒在病床上，嘴里还插满管子， 而这一切都是真的。 医生後来告诉我说，我醒之前我小孩有过来探望我。这消息让我心碎了，因为我有见过自 己的母亲卧病在床，一样嘴里都是管子。 My kids are the only things that kept me going. I’ve been a big strong dude my whole life, so anytime my kids see me in a weak point like that is definitely hard for me — even to talk about now. 我的孩子是唯一让我有动力继续前进的原因。我一生中都是强壮的大块儿，所以任何时候 我孩子们见到我现在软弱的模样对我来说都很难受。甚至是现在写出来也一样。 My son Lamar Jr. is 16. He’s shy and loves basketball. Like me reincarnated. Only a more handsome version. 我儿子 Lamar Jr 16岁了。他有点害羞，也很喜欢篮球。他像是我的模板一样。不过比我 帅了点。 My daughter, Destiny, is 18. She’s beautiful and smart. And she doesn’t take any shit. When I was able to talk again, she told me straight up, “Dad, you need to get yourself help or I’m not going to talk to you again.” 我女儿 Destiny 18岁。他又聪明又漂亮，而且他不允许任何人乱来。当我又可以讲话时 ，他直接对我说 "爸你需要找人帮助你，不然我永远都不跟你说话了。" So I went to rehab, and in rehab you learn to submit to everything. I’ve always been a really anxious person. I’ve been a worrier my whole life. But I ’m learning to release everything. Or at least I’m trying to learn. My kids even came to a few therapy sessions with me. And that was especially important, because they got to kind of let loose, telling me how my addiction affected them, too. 所以我就去勒戒所了。在勒戒所里，我学会放开於一切。我一直以来都是一个很容易焦虑 的人，不过我学着抛开一切。应该说我正在努力学着抛开一切烦。 我的孩子们甚至还陪我来参加了几场垦谈会。而这对我们来说都特别的重要，因为这让他 们有机会告诉我，我的毒瘾对他们的生活其实也是有重大的影响。 After one of the sessions, my daughter told me, “This was good, but I don’t ever want you to be in here again.” 在一次会面结束後，我女儿告诉我 "我觉得刚刚的恳谈会感觉非常好，但是我希望你永远 都不要再进勒戒所了。 I’m sober now. But it’s an everyday struggle. I have an addiction. I’ll always have an addiction. It never goes away. I mean, I want to get high right now. But I know that I can’t if I want to be here for my children. 我现在清醒了，但是每天都持续着挣扎。我知道我有毒瘾，我永远都会有毒瘾。我认真地 说，我现在就想要吸毒。但是我知道如果我这辈子还想要陪伴我的孩子的话，我不能这麽 做。 You know, it’s crazy … when I was in the hospital, and I couldn’t even walk, all these people came to see me that I hadn’t seen in a minute. All these old teammates came. Kobe came. I got texts from all these guys, like, “ Damn dog, the news was saying you were dead. I’m happy you’re still here.” It kind of reminded me of who I was, and what I’ve meant to some people. 你知道，疯狂的是当我住院时，我连下床走路都不行，然後那些我有一阵子没见过面的人 都来看我了。一堆老队友也来探望我。Kobe 也有来探望我。我收到了一大堆简讯，说着 "嘿老兄，新闻都说你翘辫子了!我很高兴你还没挂掉" 这一切让我想到我自己是谁，还有我对这些人存在的意义。 I shook hands with death. But you know what? Ain’t no coming back from that. Even though my funeral would probably be a good funeral, and there’d probably be a lot of people who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. But it ain’t time for that yet. 我跟死神交叉而过。不过你知道，死人是无法复生的。就算我的葬礼应该会是很赞的一场 葬礼，而且很多很久未见面的人也有机会相见，我想我的死期还没到。 I still got my kids. I’m still here. And damn, I’m still pretty handsome. I’ve been through so much that now I just want that little piece in the world … that little piece … where I don’t have to worry. Every morning when I wake up, I look at the same pictures. Pictures of people who are gone. My mother. My grandmother. My son Jayden. My best friend Jamie. People who are still here. My two beautiful kids. 我还是有我的孩子。我人也还在这，而且干，我还是满帅的说。 我经历了这麽多，我现在只想要活着中不用担心。每天早上起来我都会看同样那几张照片 。那些已经离开我的人的照片。我妈妈，我奶奶，我的儿子 Jayden，我最好的朋友 Jamie。还有那些还在我身边人的照片，我两个宝贝孩子的。 I just look at their faces for a few minutes, and it’s like a reminder of what life is supposed to be about. I feel warm. I feel an energy. I feel love. That shit gets me through the day. It’s like taking my vitamins. 我会看着他们的脸几分钟，像是提醒自己我活着是为了甚麽。我会感到温馨，和充满生命 力。我会感觉到爱。这一切都让我能够撑过每一天。 这感觉就像是吃维他命一样。。 心得:後面因为累了开始有点乱翻= = 有问题欢迎指正 --

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※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ※ 转录者: hitman0527 (49.182.78.107), 07/28/2017 03:18:09