这篇外电好恶搞.......外国人也喜欢做梦.... 原文连结:http://0rz.tw/873Hq I had a dream the other night, a dream that was too good to be true. 那天我做了个梦，如果可以成真该有多好?! I was in an otherwise empty Madison Square Garden that was set up for a Knicks game, only me and a rumpled little man sitting in the front row who looked like James L. Dolan, the cable guy, and he was babbling about what he had finally decided to do about his alleged professional basketball team. 那天到了空荡荡的花园准备观赏尼克的比赛。只有我和一个貌似大老板的人坐在前排 座位。他胡诌的说到他准备对这支不成才球队做的事情。 “I’m returning the New York franchise to the National Basketball Association,” he said. “As of now, the Knicks no longer exist.” 我已经把球队的经营权还给NBA。事实上，尼克队已经不存在了。 I was tempted to tell him that the Knicks have not really existed for several seasons, not the Knicks that New York knew and loved, the Knicks of Red Holzman and Willis Reed, Walt Frazier, Dave DeBusschere, Bill Bradley, Dick Barnett and Earl Monroe that won two championships, or even the Knicks of Pat Riley and Jeff Van Gundy and Patrick Ewing, Charles Oakley, John Starks, Allan Houston and Larry Johnson that twice went to the finals. But he kept babbling. 我很想要跟他说尼克精神不存在不是一两季的事了。不再是我们深爱的尼克，不再是 七零年代那只两次拿下总冠军的球队，不再是九零年代两次闯进最後决赛的劲旅。大老板 还是胡诌着。 “As of now the Knicks no longer exist,” he repeated. “尼克队这个名词已经不存在了。他再次的重复。” I told him that a pro basketball franchise and a team can’t simply cease to exist in the middle of the season. 我提醒他一支职业队不可能在季中轻易消失。 “I don’t care. I’m canceling the rest of the season.” “我不在乎，我会取消剩下的球季。” You mean you’re forfeiting the remaining games? “你是说你会没收剩下来的比赛?!”我问到。 “Home and away,” he said. “Anybody who bought tickets for any of those games will get refunds. Home and away.” “主场和客场。任何曾经购票的球迷都会拿到退款，主客场都是。” ‧ What happens to the players? 球员们怎麽办?! “I’ll pay them whatever millions remain on their contracts for whatever number of years, and they’ll be free to go anywhere else. “我会支付他们剩下来的薪水，不管还有几年的合约。现在，他们自由了。他们可以去 任何他们想要去的地方。” “If any other team wants them,” he added, with a smirk. “如果还有球队想要他们的话。”大老板笑着补了这句。 “The last time I watched them play, whatever five guys were on the court, they looked like they were five strangers we had hired off Eighth Avenue that night. No teamwork on offense, no rebounds, no defense.” “我最後一次看这五个人在场上比赛，就像五个我们随便从街上拉来的陌生人一样。没 有一点团队合作的感觉，进攻、篮板、防守都是。” What happens to the assistants? 助教怎麽办?! “The assistant coaches and everybody in the front office get all the money that’s coming to them, too.” “助理教练和管理人员都会拿到他们该得的金钱。” What happens to Isiah? 笑笑汤呢?! “Who’s Isiah?” he said. “谁是笑笑汤?!” Isiah Thomas, your coach and president for basketball operations. 你的总教练兼篮球事务部总管。 “Oh, that Isiah.” “喔，那个Isiah。” Yes, that Isiah. 是阿，那个Isiah。 “I thought Isiah was his last name. When all those fans were yelling, ‘Fire Isiah,’ I thought they were cheering for him. I thought Fire was his first name.” “我还以为他姓Isiah。当球迷鬼叫着:Fire Isiah，我以为他们在为它喝采。我还在想Fire 才是他的名字。” But what happens to Isiah? 老汤要怎麽办?! “He’s on the Cablevision payroll now. I thought about using him as a repairman, but that’s what I thought I was getting when I hired him to fix the Knicks more than four years ago. If he couldn’t fix the Knicks, I doubt he could fix somebody’s cable TV if it’s not working. So maybe I’ll just let him work off the rest of his contract as a consultant.” “喔，他喔，他现在转到有线电视部门去啦。四年前，我请他来整治尼克。事实证明，他 把球队搞的乌烟瘴气。但我想，他可以把他的才能发挥在修理第四台线路上。现在他的新 职称是有线电视线路顾问。” Will you consult him? 那你会找他商量吗?! “Not if I can help it.” “如果他肯听我的劝就好了。” Does all this mean that there won’t be a New York franchise in the N.B.A. next season? 意思是说下一季NBA不会有一支属於纽约的球队吗?! “No, somebody probably will buy the New York franchise by then.” “可能会有其他人买下纽约的经营权吧。” In returning the franchise to the N.B.A., does that mean you’re putting the Knicks up for sale? 回到经营权这件事上，你的意思是说会把尼克卖掉吗?! “Not me.” 不是我。 Then who? 那会是谁! “Commissioner David Stern told me he’s willing to broker the sale. When we didn’t settle that sexual-harassment case before it went to trial and we lost, eventually settling it for $11.5 million, he said that the Knicks were ‘not a model of intelligent management.’ Imagine that. Doesn’t he know that Cablevision is a billion-dollar business?” “大卫‧屎腾”，他说他会负责这个买卖。在性骚扰官司审判前，我们并没有达成和解 。我们还输了11.5M。他说尼克并不是经营的模范....想像一下，他难道不知道有线电视是 一个庞大的企业吗?! But on your watch, the Knicks have been nowhere near as successful as Cablevision? 所以你认为你在经营尼克上跟你经营有线电视一样成功?! “Let me remind you that, according to Forbes magazine, the Knicks, with a net worth of $608 million, are pro basketball’s most valuable franchise.” “容我提醒你一件事，根据富比士杂志调查，尼克总值608M，是职业篮球队中最富有 的。”大老板得意的说。 But that $608 million hasn’t bought a playoff berth in what will be seven seasons, much less a championship. 但608M不能买到季後赛资格，我们已经连续七年没有打进季後赛，更别说ㄗㄍㄐ。 “Playoffs, championships. They’re not the bottom line. The dummies who kept buying Knicks season tickets at ridiculous prices, they’re the bottom line. And in returning the Knicks franchise to the league, David Stern has assured me that he’ll start the bidding for the franchise at $608 million. Now that’ s a bottom line.” “对於没打进季後赛、ㄗㄍㄐ我都可以忍受。对那些长年来用不合理的价钱购买尼克季 票的笨蛋来说，那才是他们不能忍受的。屎腾已经向我保证608M是拍卖的底价，那才是我 的底限。” Will you let the new owner’s team play in the Garden? 那你会让新老板的球队继续留在麦迪逊吗?! “Under the deal I made with David Stern, the new owner can rent the Garden for every home game for the same amount that the Knicks paid. Whatever amount that was. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what it was.” 根据我们交易的内容，新老板可以租借麦迪逊当作主场，只要他能付出和尼克相同的金 额。事实上，我根本不知道确切的金额是多少。 To tell me the truth? 事实上?! “Of course,” he said. 当然，他说到。 With that, I woke up. Not wanting to forget anything, I hurriedly wrote down everything that this rumpled little man who looked like James L. Dolan had told me in the dream. And as crazy as that dream was, the next night, I dreamed that I had to tell the commissioner about it. When I did, he laughed. 就在那一刻，我醒了。我赶忙把那个看似大老板的人告诉我的所有事情纪录下来。隔天 ，当我告诉大老板这件事时，他笑了。 “I’ve had the same dream,” he said. “我也做了相同的梦。” --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 218.164.112.106 ※ knicksss:转录至看板 NBA 02/25 00:02