作者chtbanana (小蕉蕉)
看板KhalilFong
标题[闲聊] 作文题目
时间Sun Aug 31 23:03:21 2008
第18周的TOEFL写作班出了一个题目叫
If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be
当然看到这个题目我第一个就是想到方生啦!!哈哈哈
这还是第一次一边写作文一边偷笑(只差没流口水啦)
刚好今天老师把我的作文改好了,就放上来给大家看一下我如何的景仰方生
好像蛮多文法错误的,括号理的都是老师改的
Nowaday, most of the entertainer and athlete are not the good model toward
the commons, they offend the social moral and take it for granted. However,
there is still one enterainer that I really admire, he is an Asian icon named
Khalil Fong. Fong is playing the music categorized as neo soul, and he was
borned in Hawaii and prosper in Asia. The following three reasons show why I
would like to meet him.
In the first place, If I could meet him, I were asked(would ask) him how to
maintain his passion toward his job. Being a musician, Fong always being
serious about his work. He had released three albums, the latest one is
always the greatest one. The term "one man army" could describes him. He
writes the song and does the arrangement, so that he could assure the quality
of each song and is able to make the album reach the unity of the concept he
would like to convey.
The second, Fong thinks himself as a public man, he always concerns about the
social issue, especially global warming. There is a track called "warm" in
his latest album talking about love and climate change. In his opinion, the
environment is to mankind what love is to mankind, and he claims that we
should treat our planet as to treat our lovers.
Furthermore, although Fong is serious about his job, he attains the sense of
humor that always makes everyone laugh. Being a big fan of his, I would like
to meet him and he would probably make me laugh.
To wrap up, In my opinion, everyone should find someone who is worthy to be
admired. Just like Khalil Fong as to me, he has become my mentor , and I make
effort to reach the peak he had already meeted(met). If some- day I really
meeted(met)him, I would told(tell) him that he has enormously influenced me.
老师点评:
You clearly grasp the concept of an academic writing. The examples given are
strong enough to support your points. Good Job! Pay attention to minor
grammar points.
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◆ From: 59.125.180.16
1F:推 hettie:推一个 09/01 00:26
2F:推 khalililoveu:我也推一个! 你的英文还不赖耶!(拇指) 09/01 02:19
3F:推 BABIBEAR:看不懂 但推 09/01 09:06
4F:推 musit:酷毙了 文意好像不错 09/01 18:07
5F:推 WEIYAYANG:Good Job!! 09/01 21:17
6F:推 medero:good! the concept you conveyed is just what we think! 09/01 22:56
7F:→ chtbanana:希望老师改完作文可以买方生的CD来听,这样我的目的就 09/02 02:04
8F:→ chtbanana:达成了!哈哈(推广中) 09/02 02:05
9F:推 Surich: (推广仲) 09/04 22:50
10F:→ medero:丽珍是在乱入吗 (推广仲) 前天我写了关於stevie的作文耶~ 09/08 20:45