作者yooyoovicky (我喜欢你,你喜欢我吗?)
看板IELTS
标题Re: [问题] 六分作文长什麽样子 ?
时间Sat Jun 2 20:49:14 2012
谢谢大家好好人喔 ~~~
那我就贴两篇,请小小鞭,我下周要考试了,焦虑一百分。
Having discussed traffic and contamination is a frequent issue in the
contemporary society. It is no doubt that increasing the price of oil is an
appropriate method for saving crowded traffic, avoiding pollution. However,
in my personal opinion, I assert there is more effective way to cope with the
situation.
Based on the rules of user-payer, there are always some wealthy people or big
company would like to spend money and to ignore the pollution issue. In
summer, they are able to afford high price of bill and refuse to turn off the
air condition. Beside, the factories operate the machine without any break
for more profits. Therefore, rising price of petrol is not the best idea to
restrict to make pollution.
In terms of better measure, it is the government policy that regulates the
traffic and pollution development. The authority plays a pivotal rule in
solving these problems due to its power. More specifically, a high effective
public transport system is expected to ease traffic. Taking Melbourne for a
good example, here, the tram is the main public transport. Not only for its
convenience, but also the lower price. It has now become the most popular
mode of transportation in that city. The residents commute between city and
suburb quickly due to the satisfied traffic planning. Moreover, these trams
could prevent people drive car through the city and limited parking space
also annoys drivers. As a result, the decreasing rate of driving allows
traffic relief. Surely, the air pollution could get a solution.
To sum up, I disagree with the point which believes enhancing oil price is
the best strategy to resolve traffic and pollution problems. It is necessary
to enable people to realize their duty to protect the environment rather than
to solve the problem.
____________我是第二篇_______________________________________________________
In the present age, people are having a hard time suffering missing unique
dialects and customs. It might result in some problems such as tradition
disappearing, the sense of belonging changed and declining the
competitiveness of local people. In this essay, I will analyze the factors
regarding to this issue.
First of all, handy transport system dramatically improved people’s life.
Modern people only take a few hours to fly to other countries, the rapid
traffic allows different folks communicate more frequently. While people
start to contact, the prevailing culture might affect or even erode the other
one. According to linguistic research, minority group would try to acquire
the bigger group’s language for communicating. By contrast, the big group
usually domain the higher social position. In most contact situations, the
stronger language speakers will increase and the weak one might lose their
confidence and the culture disappears in a not long period.
The other factor should be taken into account is media. Nowadays, American
and European countries broadcast their programs which including cultures,
lifestyle and preference. Obviously, they influence million audiences’ mind
and habits around the world, like Valentine’s Day, fast food. For another
instance, many people prefer watching Hollywood movies to local movies due to
the international starts and high technique. As a result, in small country,
no producer would like to invest in history recording. The local culture
sooner will be ignore and disappear.
To sum up, the reasons of losing languages and cultures are advanced
transport and media development. As far I am convinced that both of them
boost the change of society.
--
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 59.115.193.107
1F:→ yooyoovicky:篇幅有限就省略题目罗,第一篇是agree第二篇是report 06/02 20:50
2F:→ SinoHuang:问题不小。不可能拿7。改一改6分倒是很有机会。 06/02 20:55
3F:→ SinoHuang:第一篇随便列几个大问题:1.第一句就让人看不懂。 06/02 20:59
4F:→ SinoHuang:2.你要驳斥的内容却用"no doubt",立场混淆。 06/02 20:59
5F:→ SinoHuang:3.字句掌控能力不足,第一段只有三句,句句出错。 06/02 21:01
6F:→ SinoHuang:4.第三段讲government,结论却讲people,不一致。 06/02 21:03
7F:→ SinoHuang:结构内容倒还OK。第一段修一下、结论改一下,六分稳。 06/02 21:05
8F:→ yooyoovicky:大感谢!看到最後一句才崭露本日笑颜。你好细心,谢谢 06/02 21:08
9F:→ yooyoovicky:第一篇是我旧的作业,刚刚看的时候发现以前写得更差, 06/02 21:09
10F:→ yooyoovicky:改了一下有点不三不四,但大致我是这样写 06/02 21:09
11F:→ SinoHuang:小地方提醒,1.很多处忘记连接词。要记得逗点不算连接。 06/02 22:12
12F:→ SinoHuang:2.除非你有三↑并列,不然不要说first of "all"。 06/02 22:12
13F:→ SinoHuang:3.模板句本身没问题,问题在水准要跟上,才不会不搭。 06/02 22:15
14F:→ SinoHuang:这些都是小地方。我认为你最迫切要做的是文章的纯质化。 06/02 22:17
15F:→ SinoHuang:主旨要钉住。政府就政府,人民就人民。开头讲到的东西 06/02 22:18
16F:→ SinoHuang:写body的时候要接住,然後结论把他们包起来。要像点帐款 06/02 22:19
17F:→ SinoHuang:一样,不能多、不能少。这样可以做到coherence。这是一 06/02 22:20
18F:→ SinoHuang:篇文章最重要的地方。 06/02 22:20
19F:→ SinoHuang:p.s.关代(含子句)复习一下...错漏的很多是关代。 06/02 22:22
20F:→ SinoHuang:多项试评:字汇6.5~7但用法打回6.5↓,文法5.5~6(可改) 06/02 22:39
21F:→ SinoHuang:架构内容第二篇有6.5。但如果出现第一篇那样首段走样、 06/02 22:41
22F:→ SinoHuang:主段与结论不符的致命情形,就可能被打回5.5。 06/02 22:41
23F:→ SinoHuang:结论:程度约6.3,避免致命=>稳6。缺点改完=>6.5 OK。 06/02 22:48
24F:→ surfingdream:请还是给题目, 没题目不知道有没有文不对题 06/06 08:54