※ 引述《Eritrea (Eritrea)》之铭言： : 虽然去补了某家知名的雅思补习班 但英文作文还是一直无法突破 : (我认真写和随便写的分数居然都差不多 老师上课常常用"google it" "I'm not sure" : 带过问题.....) : 我英文程度应该还算OK TOEIC没怎麽准备去考也有800分 : 但是每次作文都被批改的只有5.5分左右 : 我现在渐渐的越来越丧失信心 : 想试着换个补习班改改看作文 不知道有没有推荐的地方 : 或是有好心的版友可以帮我看看问题到底出在哪.... : ================================================== : 题目:People think that building should be knocked down and give way to the new : buildings. Do you agree or disagree? How important are old buildings to us? : With the rapid economic development, great deals of regions are confronted 第一次用 : with a renewal program, and are building modern structures to replace older 更新的计画 新的建筑取代旧的 : ones. Some people might consider it is too rude to these historical (其实and前後意思都差不多,你写太长了) : structures, and others regard it as an opportunity of social development. 这里把题目再写一遍...为什麽? 第二次用 : This essay will elaborate the merits and drawback of the debate. 到这边introduction没有idea...只是把题目解释好几次 : Some individuals claim that aged structures should be protected for the : following reasons. First, constructions are symbols of life experience of the 往下看reasons很模糊 哪一种建筑物? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 说真的...看不懂 : local area. A large number of historical buildings should be preserved but ^^^^^^^^^^ 你讲历史建筑物应该被保留,虽然好像是理所当然,但还是要更精确 : not destroyed. In contemporary world, due to globalization, the regional : features are replaced with the prevalent western culture gradually. The aged ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 突然跑出西方文化部会觉得很跳tone吗? : buildings play vital roles in establishing variation among architectures. ^^^^^^^^^^^ 从first...到现在有没有发现一直再绕圈圈...讲同样的东西 : In contrast, people might hold different opinion that the conservation of : aged structures is expensive and that is difficult to find the master of ^^ ^and连接两个句子时需要逗点 ^^^^^^大师? 通常有动词可以用一定会比be动词好,用cost too much都比用is expensive要生动 : traditional repairing skills. As far as I am concerned, the maintance of : traditional constructions might produce severe stress on governments’ produce + stress ^^^^^^^^^^^ 你可以去查查搭配词词典,produce跟stress应该很少人这样用 政府不太用复数 可以cause/create/suffer...stress 请参考字典 : budget. Moreover, partly historical structures are located in the commercial : regions and traffic lines. If the authorities only take traditional ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 看不懂 : conservation into account, without regard to practical efficiency; manpower If开始不是主要子句,後面跑出分号就有问题了,用逗号 ^ : and resources will be wasted. 突然跑到这个论点也是很跳tone : Based on all factors offered above, whether a aging construction should be : removed to build a new one is a question that may be answered on a : case-by-case basis. People involved should carefully weigh up the pros and : cons of the issue before reaching a conclusion. 这个结论就是没有答案... : ========================================================================= : 以上~感谢~ 这是对你的文章的评语,另外我再回一篇关於这个题目写作的意见 --

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