DAVID BURTKA I’ve always known I was going to have a monogamous relationship, raise children, and be happy in love. It was the one thing in life that I never doubted for a second. I was in another relationship when I met Neil and was doing the long-distance, New York–to-L.A. thing. It was sort of on the rocks. Long distance is so hard. I was performing in the Sam Mendes version of Gypsy on Broadway when I ran into Neil on the street. He was doing the Mendes version of Cabaret at the time, and I was with a friend who knew him pretty well. I wasn’t a big Doogie Howser fan -- I had probably seen it once or twice when I was growing up -- so I gave him a, “Hey, what’s up, nice to meet you,” and that was really it. I thought it would be nice to know him, but I didn’t think in a million years I’d start dating him. 我以前就知道我要的是一对一的关系、养育小孩，快乐的活在爱的世界。对此未曾有过怀 疑、出现其他选项。当我遇到Neil时刚好处於另一段远距离的关系，大概是N.Y到L.A.的 距离，有点濒临瓶颈的情况，远距离很困难的。在街上偶遇Neil我正好参与Sam Mendes( 山姆曼德斯，美国心玫瑰情导演)在百老汇Gypsy《吉普赛女郎(或译玫瑰舞后)》演出，同 时Neil也参与Mendes的音乐剧《歌厅(或译酒店)》("Cabaret" )，我有个朋友跟Neil很熟 ，我不是Doogie Howser《天才小医生》的粉丝，在小的时候可能有看过一、两次吧，所 以我也只是对他说：“Hey, what’s up, nice to meet you,”真的就是如此。很高兴认 识他，但一万年前也没想过跟他约会。 We began hanging out with other people, and we had a lunch or so, but nothing romantic. I thought he was adorable, though, with these amazing blue eyes that are just hypnotizing to me. I ended up breaking with my boyfriend, and a week later, Neil and I had a date. We went to see a movie -- I think it was Taking Lives with Angelina Jolie. We started hanging out every single night, and after three months, it was just non-stop. We talk on the phone at least eight times a day and text at least 25 times a day. We are, in a way, very codependent. He’s my lifeline, in an amazing way. Without him, I can’t breathe. The biggest thing is that he makes me laugh, but he’s also smart. He can do everything. I’m not kidding; I think he’s half robot. He makes me a little more grounded, and I bring out the wild side in him. Don’t get me wrong -- we fight. Our fights last five minutes, then we’re over it. And we’ re both Gemini -- we have a good twin and a bad twin, and the four of us get along really well! 我们开始跟其他朋友约出去，吃午餐之类的，但并没有任何暧昧。我认为他很可爱，虽然 有一双深邃蓝眼令我深深着迷。当我与男友分手，一星期後我就开始与Neil约会。一起看 的电影，应该是安洁莉娜裘莉《机动杀人》（Taking Lives），之後每个夜晚都会约出去 ，就这样连续三个月都没停过。每天至少通电话8次、传简讯25次，我想我们是 codependent互相依赖又超然独立的。他是我的生命线，以一种惊人的方式呈现，若没有 他我将无法呼吸，他带给我最大的意义是他能够逗我笑，但他也非常聪明，可以做任何事 ，我不是在开玩笑，我想他是半个机器人，他让我慢慢变得务实，我也带出他狂野的一面 ，不要误会我(等下要讲)的意思，我们会吵架，每次吵架至少5分钟，然後结束。我们都 是双子座，我们有善良的双胞胎，也有邪恶孪生，我们四个人处得很好。 The first three years was our honeymoon period. Then you settle into the relationship, and it morphs into just living, breathing. It becomes more comfortable, but it becomes a necessity -- something you can’t give up, like an addict. How has it changed me? I basically have diarrhea mouth -- I am brutally honest to the point of being a negative thing. Now I think more before I speak. 前三年是我们的蜜月期。你融入在这段关系中，摇身一变成为生活的重心，越来越适应， 变成一种必须，好像你无法戒除，如同上瘾。是什麽改变了我？我以前是个有屁就放 (diarrhea mouth,haha)的人，敢说真话其实是很鲁直的行为，现在在说话前会先经过大 脑思考。 Even on that first date, we talked about kids. If he hadn’t wanted kids, I don’t think we’d be together. I always thought that family was the most important thing in life, and no matter what I do, whether being a chef or an actor or a dancer, being a dad is what I do best. I am the maternal one in the relationship. For the first year, I didn’t miss a nighttime or morning with them. I think it’s important to have other lives and feed your relationship, but it’s also important that your children are raised by you. We named Gideon after an artist we collect, Gideon Rubin, and Harper after Harper Lee. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of our favorite books. 即使在第一次约会就讨论小孩。如果我们不讨论，我不认为我们会在一起。我一直认为家 庭是人生最重要的部分，不论我做什麽，一名厨师或演员或舞者，做一个爸爸是我能做最 好的职业，我是这段关系中偏向母亲的角色(？)。在第一年我从未错过晚上或早晨陪伴小 孩的时间，我认为拥有其他生命并以此为喂养彼此的关系与真正的扶养小孩是同要重要。 给儿子取名Gideon，因为我们喜爱收藏艺术家Gideon Rubin的画作；以我们最喜欢的书 To Kill a Mockingbird《梅岗城的故事》的作者Harper Lee来命名我们的女儿Harper。 I don’t want people to think we’re a perfect couple. Nothing’s perfect. A relationship is work and it changes. And you go with the changes. It’s more good times than bad times, but it’s not always good. You have to overcome those issues and move on. We have a really great recipe for a wonderful relationship, but we don’t want to be the poster boys for gay relationships. We’re not trying to pretend that we are perfect. We’re just trying -- in a good, positive, loving way -- to live our lives. 我不想让大家觉得我们是完美的一对。没有什麽事情是绝对完美的，感情最重要的就是经 营与改变，然後顺应这种改变。一段感情确实有甜蜜、有无奈，明亮多於晦暗，但却不是 永远春光明媚。必须去克服，继续生活。我们确实有很多经营感情幸福快乐的秘诀，但我 们不想成为模范夫夫的模型，好像同性模范的宣传海报一样，标榜幸福的同Gay伴侣…… 我们也不是卖力假装我们很好、很完美。我们只是努力用积极健康、相亲相爱的方式生活 。 --

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