: 题目是之前英文指考作文题目 : 对毕业典礼的看法并提出一些意见改善目前毕业典礼的现况 : I think graduation ceremony should be heart-warming and commemorable. (1) 个人认为 『I think』是赘字。没有这两个字完全不影响前後文意。 (2) 『graduation ceremony』改成 『a graduation ceremony』或是 『graduation ceremonies』。以下皆同。 (3) "should" 放在这也有点怪。 A graduation ceremony is an event where candidate graduates receive their academic diplomas or degrees. The ceremony is usually filled with heart-warming moments that the graduates will remember for many years to come. : It will recall me the bitter sweet memories during school days by : looking in those faces of classmates and teachers. (1) recall me 改成 remind me (2) It will recall 改成 It reminded me (3) bitter sweet memories 改成 bitter yet sweet (4) The faces of my teachers and classmates reminded me the bitter yet sweet high school days. : Also attendance of parents , relatives and friends will make : our graduates very emotional exciting. 我不知道你为什麽一直要用未来式。如果你是在描述个人经验，用简单 过去式。如果你要讲的是所有的毕业典礼，也许用现在式即可。 Furthermore, the mere presence of the my parents and grand parents made me very excited. : I consider that is a proud thing to accomplish one milestone of life : with families’witness and blessing. : Generally speaking , the leading light of the ceremony should be : graduates , not those celebrities and officials. : A long speech makes people drowsy and fidgets. : That might leave audiences to find recreation such as taking photos : and chatting to kill time. : Let graduates come up to stage expressing feeling by random : perhaps could catch audiences' attention. : If these lucky fellows can receive presents at the same time, : that will be fabulous. : Otherwise,that will intensify the sorrow of departure and unsure of future : if they see the old face always prized in the end of semesters : going to stage celebrated again. : 小人的目标是中高级 上次考得不理想只有60 希望从头练起 : 所以句子很朴素 谢谢指教^ ^ --

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