作者Laurent (冲)
看板GEPT
标题[写作] 作文一篇请高人指点
时间Thu Feb 9 23:00:34 2012
题目是之前英文指考作文题目
对毕业典礼的看法并提出一些意见改善目前毕业典礼的现况
I think graduation ceremony should be heart-warming and commemorable.
It will recall me the bitter sweet memories during school days by
looking in those faces of classmates and teachers.
Also attendance of parents , relatives and friends will make
our graduates very emotional exciting.
I consider that is a proud thing to accomplish one milestone of life
with families’witness and blessing.
Generally speaking , the leading light of the ceremony should be
graduates , not those celebrities and officials.
A long speech makes people drowsy and fidgets.
That might leave audiences to find recreation such as taking photos
and chatting to kill time.
Let graduates come up to stage expressing feeling by random
perhaps could catch audiences' attention.
If these lucky fellows can receive presents at the same time,
that will be fabulous.
Otherwise,that will intensify the sorrow of departure and unsure of future
if they see the old face always prized in the end of semesters
going to stage celebrated again.
小人的目标是中高级 上次考得不理想只有60 希望从头练起
所以句子很朴素 谢谢指教^ ^
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1F:推 SinoHuang:除了H兄改的字句之外,你最大的问题是结构。 02/10 15:01
2F:→ SinoHuang:结构是骨架,字句如皮肉。结构散乱,肌强肤嫩也没用。 02/10 15:02
3F:→ SinoHuang:建议找本作文书,内容要有「主题句」、「支持句」的介绍 02/10 15:05
4F:→ SinoHuang:。另外,你的字句其实要再简化,先求通顺。 02/10 15:07
5F:→ SinoHuang:分数如果差很少,那是「不够好」。差很多,那表示有根 02/10 15:07
6F:→ SinoHuang:本性的问题。 02/10 15:07
7F:→ Laurent:谢谢您的意见 02/10 20:33