I'm good at Eng writing, not even about poetry. However, I give some comments to stimulate ideas. ※ 引述《Trion (Trion)》之铭言： : Hi all, : One more time, we see again. This time I would like to : translate poem that illustrates one of the most popular : character in pili puppet show, 叶小钗。 : Sorry for typing its Chinese name instead of its English : name, Scar, that was used in the English version of pili : puppet show named "争王记", or "The tale of Wulin Warriors" : for I really hate the name although it somehow truely shows : what it meant in Chinese but actually lost some flavors after : dubbed and translated. : Anyway, cast it aside my personal feelings toward this name : translation and let's get to the point. : Below is my poem translation and see if any feedback will be : thrown. Any critics or comment is greatly appreciated. Thanks. : Oh, one more thing. I seperated this poem into two parts for : originally they should be two independant poems instead of one. : original poem: : 征衣红尘化云烟 江湖落拓不知年 : 剑痴刀狂世纷云 今将衣钵卸双肩 : 踏尽千山无人识 当初枉受盛名牵 : 东风吹醒英雄梦 笑对青山万重天 : Translated poem: : Vapor into sky : my armour and fight : I wander in the wild : without goal and guide : Where am I : and when is time ? Should it be "What is the time?" : Paranoid me they call : Wild as I be known : with my blade and sword. I can't read this one. Is the original sentence: "People say I'm sword-minded and exercise wildly." : Till now I relieve my load : off the shoulder I bore : Carry it no more. Drop till. It has meaning about continuing. Now I relieve the loads from my shoulders. "Carry it no more." sounds redundant. However, 今将衣钵卸双肩 踏尽千山无人识 is better to expressed by From now on, I won't worry about living affairs. And I will go over mountains to a place where nobody recognize me. Sorry, I quit. It's so time-wasting:P : Over the thousand around : endless mountain I have gone. : People recognize me none. : Alas, for whatever I gained, : it's all driven for fame, : misguided by name. : Winds blow my way, : rise to awake, : my pursue for fame, : for heroes have no name. : Therefore I am, : waken from fame, : smile and tame, : To the mountain in the horizon. : Original poem: : 爱落红尘心已死 持刀抱剑了一生 : My love is no more : in this mundane world . : Therefore I can only hold : my blade and sword : till the end of my world. --

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