※ 引述《payin712 (Truth makes you free)》之铭言： : My high school teacher taught me there are four categories of acts : between a performer and a recipient--cooperative, selfish, spiteful : and altruistic ones. : From my viewpoint, I'd prefer cooperative acts which can benefit both : the performer and the recipient. Unfortunately, as my eldest sister falls in : love, she used to go for the last way, altruism, which could satisfy her bf, : who is gonna be her husband in couple of months, but that is costing herself. : Futhermore, the worse problem is that her bf, named J in the follows, get : used to this way [my sister's altruistic behavior to him] and never thinks : the situation will ask for their living trouble in the future. : I hadn't noticed this until something happened two weeks ago... : As you know, it's not a cinch to deal with marriage, especially arranging : the wedding party. Recently, my sister is busy in modeling her engagement : party and decorating their new house. : I found my ability is not enough to help her all but have been still trying : my best. One day, she was crying due to J's ignorance of her feeling. : Let me take two examples here. For one thing, he asked my sister to choose : a small ring with limited budget ($300) directly. : Moreover, once when my sister was late to pick him up in his home to eat out, : J was very angry. Even though my sister had apologized for her : lateness, J not only kept wrathful (actually, hundreds of things can make him : angry. He is irritable!!!) but also said nothing in the car. It was extremely : embarrassed! : In my case, if possible, I would suggest J in two methods. On the one hand, : he could express how angry and why he was so angry. Then, he could choose not : to forget this for a while but not made the atmostphere down and down. : On the other hand, he could choose to forget her with clear explanation : and accepted her sorry instead of keeping silent. : It's a great treat to make others happy esp. boy/girl friend. : If each of couples can't communicate with each other, they may just negatively : avoid making the other one angry but not positively try one's best to make : him/her happy. Clearly, these two kinds of love relationship may result in : huge different love. : Can I share my feeling with my future brother-in-law? : Can I tell him directly that how nervous I am to see my sister get married : with him? : Can I point out the mistakes he used to make for correction since he thinks : he is right all the time? : When my sister told me that she has no idea what to do with this kind of : routine, : I found I am so incompetent that I have no clue to save her out of the : innocence! : I'm worried. I"m misgiving. I'm fear! : She can be in a bliss but she threw herself into danger. : She can be happy and fair-haired but she chose to gamble her life. : What would you do if you were me or my sister? : Thanks for reading this message anyway^^ long read, some sentences/paragraphs weren't easy to understand, but I get the general idea... one suggestion is that you can post this, in Chinese, at the marriage board... perhaps they can offer you more insight than here... as for my suggestion, talk to your sister about it... see what she thinks... if she knows this situation, but still wants to continue with the marriage, make sure she knows what she's getting into, for ex: divorce or heaven forbid, even worse... of course, if she really "understands" the situation, she wouldn't be still preparing for the wedding and stuff... often times, those in love are "too blind" to see the truth, they think you are just trying to break up their lovely romance or whatever, or that you're jealous of their "happiness"... let your sister know that you care and that you want the best for her... I wouldn't suggest talking to your brother-in-law, seeing as how you describe his behavior, I'd say it would be impossible to "change" him... and I'm a bit afraid for your safety, as well as your sister's, given the things you've mentioned... plus, given the way he acts now, chances are, once he's married, it will be even worse... talk to your parents, friends, or people you can trust and ask them about it, perhaps they can shed further light on the situation... hope in the end, your sister can find "true" happiness, and that you can be truly happy about her wedding and marriage... --

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