My high school teacher taught me there are four categories of acts between a performer and a recipient--cooperative, selfish, spiteful and altruistic ones. From my viewpoint, I'd prefer cooperative acts which can benefit both the performer and the recipient. Unfortunately, as my eldest sister falls in love, she used to go for the last way, altruism, which could satisfy her bf, who is gonna be her husband in couple of months, but that is costing herself. Futhermore, the worse problem is that her bf, named J in the follows, get used to this way [my sister's altruistic behavior to him] and never thinks the situation will ask for their living trouble in the future. I hadn't noticed this until something happened two weeks ago... As you know, it's not a cinch to deal with marriage, especially arranging the wedding party. Recently, my sister is busy in modeling her engagement party and decorating their new house. I found my ability is not enough to help her all but have been still trying my best. One day, she was crying due to J's ignorance of her feeling. Let me take two examples here. For one thing, he asked my sister to choose a small ring with limited budget ($300) directly. Moreover, once when my sister was late to pick him up in his home to eat out, J was very angry. Even though my sister had apologized for her lateness, J not only kept wrathful (actually, hundreds of things can make him angry. He is irritable!!!) but also said nothing in the car. It was extremely embarrassed! In my case, if possible, I would suggest J in two methods. On the one hand, he could express how angry and why he was so angry. Then, he could choose not to forget this for a while but not made the atmostphere down and down. On the other hand, he could choose to forget her with clear explanation and accepted her sorry instead of keeping silent. It's a great treat to make others happy esp. boy/girl friend. If each of couples can't communicate with each other, they may just negatively avoid making the other one angry but not positively try one's best to make him/her happy. Clearly, these two kinds of love relationship may result in huge different love. Can I share my feeling with my future brother-in-law? Can I tell him directly that how nervous I am to see my sister get married with him? Can I point out the mistakes he used to make for correction since he thinks he is right all the time? When my sister told me that she has no idea what to do with this kind of routine, I found I am so incompetent that I have no clue to save her out of the innocence! I'm worried. I"m misgiving. I'm fear! She can be in a bliss but she threw herself into danger. She can be happy and fair-haired but she chose to gamble her life. What would you do if you were me or my sister? Thanks for reading this message anyway^^ -- Sometimes old things need to go away. Then, we have room for the new things that come into our lives. Peiyin's Diary: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/payinin --

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