I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?" I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his computer would not turn on. "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" "A little. What's wrong?" "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." "How did you load the sheet?" "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it." I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think that store would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the keys and manually unlocked the door, I said, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries? It's a long walk." Tech Support: What does the screen say now? Caller: It says 'Hit ENTER when ready.' Tech Support: Well? Caller: How do I know when it's ready? A man moved to New Mexico and called his credit company to change his address. When he told the girl where he was moving, she told him that she couldn't help him since they don't issue cards outside of the United States! My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?" Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day, he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies... One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386." He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?" I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark." I replied, "You mean the letter 'i'?" And he said, "Yeah, that's it!" I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like it had been an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, and then went in the back to make a sandwich. -- To become a much happier man, reconcile "what should be" with "what is." --

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