Mmm... I've been posting on Engtalk a lot lately! Anyway, I've been very unhappy recently, and just don't really know what to do with myself. This morning, I went to church with my friend. While it's not the first time that I've been to church, I'm not a Christian, and my past experiences with church adn Christians have been rather negative. But somehow today was different. The songs made me feel sad, the words that the priest said made me feel sad, and on several occasions, I was horrified to find my eyes filled with tears! I kept on blinking them back, not wanting to embarrass myself. But at the end, the priest said: "If you're here for teh first time today, if you came here with a friend, you are very lucky, because your friend loves you very much that they want to share God's love with you... or something like that, I'm not quite sure, because by then I was crying. I was so embarrassed, but the amazing thing is I later realized that my friend didn't even see me cry. By the time we were leaving I was OK then. I was glad that my friend didn't notice, although that did prove how unobservant he was! I would've had a hard time explaining why I cried. I can't really say that I completely agreed with what was said. I still don't think all the answers have been provided. The real reason that I cried was because of how true the pain and suffering comment was, not matter how trivial it may seem, and it made me realized how much I had been hiding from everyone, how I had tried to appear strong, as if nothing is wrong. Even though I'm a girl, I've always appeared confident adn indenpendent, and I feel bound to keep up that image, even at times when I feel complete opposite. --

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