HACKS DOWNED - BUT AT A COST http://www.chelseafc.com/page/NewsHomePage/0,,10268~1076413,00.html The UCLA sports fields have experienced some of the finest, if not the finest football skills ever executed upon them these past two weeks during Chelsea's training camp. But nothing could prepare them for what took place the afternoon the Chelsea Backroom Staff took on the British Press XI. 过去两周切尔西训练营在 UCLA 让当地人见识了最棒的足球技巧, 然而没有人料到他们会看到切尔西工作人员与英国记者11人的对决。 To say the participants in this full-sided match were committed would be like saying the sun is sometimes out in southern California, but despite the highly-charged nature of the game, there were no significant injures sustained - except one! 比赛很激烈, 但没有什麽严重的受伤, 除了一个人... Jose' Mourinho may not have the physical stature of a Petr Cech, but between the posts was where he chose to play - for one afternoon only becoming the Special 1, rather than the Special One. 魔力鸟也许体格不如切赫, 他在这个下午选择站在门柱之间 从 speical one 变成 Special 1 As early as the fifth minute, the boss was racing across his area, that legendary self-confidence on show as he favoured the punch, rather than the catch in dealing with a high ball. Before the first-half was out he had shown his mettle with a brave dive at the feet of The Sun's Ian McGarry and he couldn't resist striding 80 yards to become involved, and of course organise, a free-kick routine. But it was midway through the second-half, and with the score delicately balanced at 1-1, that Jose' made his most significant, and final contribution. 魔力鸟有些精彩的表现, 让比分保持在 1-1 With the game up for grabs, and a press gang effort heading for the bottom corner of his net, an elastic save prevented Chelsea going 2-1 down, but not without the elastic snapping. A Portuguese hamstring had gone. 然後他漂亮的救球让切尔西不至陷入 2-1 的局面, 但是他的脚筋也掰掰了... At first, some suspected he was having everyone on, and with the Chelsea physios making up a large part of the midfield, it took some frantic gestures for the manager to convince his staff to forget their marking duties and give him some treatment. Needless to say, his game was over. 一开始大家以为他只是在作戏, 老大挥动夸张的手势好一阵子才把医疗人员叫来 (那群医疗人员在比赛里担任中场, 正在尽职地开着玩笑) Not that Jose' was the first member of the first team staff to leave the field. Unfortunately there was no post-match press conference for manager for the afternoon, director of communications Simon Greenberg, to explain how Chelsea at one point fielded 12 players, resulting in a second yellow card and a dismissal for fitness coach Rui Faria. 老大不是一队第一个离场的球员, 在赛後记者会上 Simon Greenberg 说 有一刻切尔西队有十二个人在场上, 他们因此拿了第二张黄牌, 而体能教练 Rui Faria 则被踢下场. Chelsea had organised the match officials and perfect proof of the integrity of that arrangement was the three bookings to none and two good penalty appeals turned down that hindered the quest for the elusive opening goal. Cheered into every tackle by a watching first team squad, they survived a scare when The Times pair of Matt Dickenson and Matt Hughes combined with The Standard's Leo Spall for a shot on goal but even the most biased reporting couldn't deny it was the Staff who looked most like scoring. With French physio Thierry Laurant nicking possession like Makelele and distributing like Leboeuf, the blue shirts pressed and it took some effective more than stylish goalkeeping by The Mirror's John Cross to keep them out. 医疗师 Thierry Laurant 控球像马克来来, 分球像 Leboeuf. 蓝军压制着对方, 但镜报的 John Cross 很有效率的化解危机 Finally the goal came - chelseafc.com's very own Andy Jones leaving The Daily Mail's Neil Ashton and The Independent's Sam Wallace for dead before lashing in and high-fiving with the England football captain in celebration. Steve Clarke almost doubled the lead with a looping header but with not long to go, disaster struck - a handball in the area and a Press penalty. Mourinho, still on the pitch at that point, found McGarry unreadable and was sent the wrong way. So 1-1 was the scoreline at the final whistle but this is America. We had to have a winner. 最後比分是 1-1, 但因为我们在美国, 所以一定要有个赢家. Replacement for the lame Mourinho had been his faithful goalkeeper coach Silvino. It had all boiled down to a penalty shoot-out dual between Portugal's most capped keeper of all-time and John Cross, the man from The Mirror still suffering from a 'reducer' put in on him shortly before the whistle by one of Roman Abramovich's bodyguards, operating as a good old-fashioned English centre-forward. 取代跛脚穆守在切尔西大门的是忠心的门将教练 Silvino. 所以当最终要用点球来分胜负时, 这是个为葡萄牙国家队出战最多次的 Silvino 与镜报 John Cross 的对决. With the Chelsea side already leading 3-1 on spot kicks, it fell to Jose''s right-hand man Baltemar Brito to apply the coup de grace with a Brazilian flourish. Chelsea had won the big one. 当切尔西以 3-1 在点球大战领先时, 我们派出老大的左右手 Baltemar Brito 以巴西风华结束了对手的苦难. 切尔西赢了! -- 这篇超好笑的, 不过我只挑了有趣+我会翻的部份翻... orz --

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