已得原作者同意 作者: tyui0459 (TYUI) 看板: APH 标题: Fw: [翻译] Polish Jokes 波兰笑话集 (2) 时间: Sat Jun 8 00:31:04 2013 ※ [本文转录自 joke 看板 #1Hi2gI8A ] 作者: belleaya (台中李奥纳多皮卡丘) 看板: joke 标题: [翻译] Polish Jokes 波兰笑话集 (2) 时间: Thu Jun 6 14:22:06 2013 网志好读附单字版 http://belleaya.pixnet.net/blog/post/32215435 1. Turn Signal 方向灯 An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working. He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car. The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?" To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...." 一个英国人开车载着一个波兰人，他怀疑他的方向灯感觉好像失灵了，於是就将车子靠路 边停。 他麻烦那个波兰人帮忙下车看一下车灯，他要测试看看车灯是不是正常的。 波兰人走下车，站在车子前面。 英国人就打开方向灯，问说：「方向灯是正常吗？」 波兰人答道：「是正常的。不，失灵了。正常的。失灵了。正常的。失灵了......」 2. Three Men 三个旅人 Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Polak!" 三个男人──分别是德国人、美国人，波兰人──在亚马逊森林旅行，有一天他们被亚马 逊的部族抓到了。 部落首领对德国人说：「我们对你施以鞭刑时，你想要在背上涂(放)什麽？」 德国人答：「我想要涂油！」 於是他们在他背上涂油，而一个壮硕的亚马逊人抽打了他十次。 德国人背上留下了大大的鞭痕，他几乎没办法动了。 之後亚马逊人拖开德国人，换问波兰人。 「你想要在背上放什麽？」 「我什麽都不放！」波兰人说，然後他毫不畏惧地站直，被鞭打了10次。 「你想要在背上放什麽？」亚马逊人问美国人。 他答：「我要在背上放波兰人！」 3. Whore House 妓女户 (这篇有点18禁唷) Man goes to a whore house. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Ploack comes out in five minutes. "How was it?", says the Madam. "I don't know," says the Polak, "I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window!" 一个男人走进妓女户。 老鸨目前没有能够给他用的妓女，不过她想说既然那男人是波兰人，她可以随便用个充气 娃娃敷衍他，反正波兰人分不出来。 她以前没这样做过，所以有一点紧张。 她在门外等着，过五分钟後波兰人走出来了。 「怎麽样？」老鸨问。「我不知道耶，」波兰人说：「我咬她奶头，她就放屁然後从窗口 飞出去了！」 4. Jesus 耶稣 Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said "OK, but get back to me tommorrow." When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!" 三个人应徵一份侦探的工作。 其中，一个是波兰人，一个是犹太人，一个是义大利人。 老板不想在面试时问一些标准的问题，只预计各问他们一个问题，并依据他们回答来录取 。 当犹太人来面试时，老板问： 「谁杀了耶稣基督？」 犹太人想也不想的说： 「是罗马人杀的。」 老板就先谢谢他，让他先离开。 当义大利人来面试时， 老板又问了同一个问题。 义大利人答：「耶稣是是被犹太人杀的。」 同样的，老板谢谢他，让他先离开。 当波兰人来面试时，他也被问同样的问题。 他想了很久，才问说： 「可以给我一些时间想吗？」 老板说：「可以，但是明天再来。」 当波兰人回到家，他老婆问他： 「所以面试结果怎样？」 他答： 「不错，我得到那个工作了。而且我已经开始在调查一桩谋杀案！」 5. Robotic Bartender 机器人酒保 A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "80." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Poland these days?" 一间受欢迎的酒吧装设了一个新的机器人酒保。 一个人走进酒吧点了酒，机器人问他：「你IQ多少？」 那男人答道：「130。」 於是机器人就开始和那男人聊天文物理等等。 那男人听得入迷，并觉得：「这真是太酷了！」 另一个男人进来点了酒喝，机器人问他：「你IQ多少？」 男人答道：「120。」 於是机器人就跟他聊超级盃、越野机车等等。 男人心想：「哇，这真是太酷了！」 第三个男人走进酒吧。 跟其他人一样，机器人也问他：「你IQ多少？」 他答道：「80。」 於是机器人问说： 「最近波兰有啥新鲜事吗？」 6. Road Work 帮马路漆白线 A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket." 一个波兰人受聘帮马路漆白线。 第一天他漆了10哩长，他的雇主相当惊讶。 但是第二天他就只漆了5哩， 而在第三天他整天只漆了1哩。 他雇主相当失望地问他发生什麽问题。 波兰人回答说： 「呃，老板，每一天我都要走越来越远， 　才能回去沾油漆桶。」 7. New Game Fish 新品种的鱼 Did you hear about the new game fish the Illinois Department of Natural Resources is trying to breed? They took a Coho and crossed it with a Walleye. They called it a Kowal. It had great taste, and fought like hell, but wasn't very large. So they crossed it with a Muskie, and called it a Kowalski. It has the best of everything: it fights hard, it tastes great, and it grows up to 50 inches. The only problem is they're having trouble teaching to swim! 你有听说过伊利诺自然资源处正试着饲育的新品种垂钓鱼吗？ 他们用银鳟和鼓眼鱼配种。 新品种鱼叫Kowal。 不但味美、也不容易被钓到，只是不够大只。 於是他们又再跟Muskie这种鱼配种，并称为Kowaiski。 各项都很完美了：难钓、好吃、而且可以长到50寸长。 唯一的问题是牠们很难学会游泳。 注：这个是鱼的名字很像波兰人名字的哏 8. Polish Vodka 波兰伏特加 A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka. As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka. Since I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it." To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!" As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?" "Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot." After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?" "Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81." "This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call." The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Gradowski twins are here again." 一个男人走进酒吧，叫了杯波兰伏特加。 当酒保将酒滑给那客人时，另一个男人坐在那客人旁，说： 「真巧。我也喜欢波兰伏特加。 　当我从那故国来这儿时，只有找到这间酒吧有卖那种酒。」 第一个男人答： 「故国？我故国也是波兰。让我请你一杯！」 当他们喝完那杯酒，其中一人又问： 「你是波兰哪里人？」 「克拉科夫。」另一人答。 「真奇了，」第一个人说： 「我也是从克拉科夫来的！我们再来一杯吧。」 又喝完了一轮，第一个人又问： 「那麽，老兄你之前在克拉科夫是做什麽的？」 「也没做什麽，其实。我高中毕业就来这儿了。我1981年从Lech Walesa技术学院毕业。 」 「怪了，」另一个答： 「我也是Walesa技术学院，81级的。我们再来一杯吧。」 但酒保说： 「等等，夥计们，我要先打个电话。」 酒保打给他老婆，并告诉她他会晚点回家。 她问他为什麽，他答： 「喔，他妈的Gradowski双胞胎又来这边喝了。」 9. Firing Squad 行刑队 Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Polak. He looks around and shouts "Fire!" 有三个犯人──美国人，德国人，和波兰人。 他们将要被行刑队处死。 他们先带上美国人，让他站在柱子前面。 美国人忽然指着大喊：「龙卷风！」 结果行刑队一回头看，美国人就趁机逃走了。 接着他们将德国人放在柱子前。 他大叫：「地震！」 他们急趴在地上，德国人就逃了。 接下来是波兰人。 他看着四周并大叫：「火灾！」（开枪！） 10. Phone Call 打电话 Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions. Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Polish. So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss. So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Itlaian is less developed than that of USA. LASTLY the Polish man made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent. Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fairand the devil responded to them. "The Polish call was a local call whereas your was an International call." 三个男人想要从地狱打电话给他们亲戚，告诉他们地狱严酷的情形。 他们分别是美国人，义大利人，和波兰人。 所以他们就去找恶魔老大。 美国人打完电话後，恶魔收他100美金。 义大利人打完电话，恶魔收他10欧元，因为义大利实际上不像美国发展这麽成熟。 最後波兰人打完电话，恶魔却只要他付一分钱。 美国人跟义大利人都抱怨为什麽恶魔对他们这麽不公平。 「因为波兰人打的是本地电话，你们都是打国际电话！」 11. 眼科 A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters: C Z Y N Q S T A S Z. The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?" "Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy." 一个波兰人去看眼科医生。 在量视力的图最下面一行字是： CZYNQSTASZ 验光师问说：「你能看到下面这行吗？」 「下面这行？」波兰人答道：「我认识他啊！」 注：这是在酸波兰人名字又长又怪又难念。 12. 讲笑话 A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?" The bartender says, "Tell you what.... I'm Polish. See those two big guys playing pool? They're Polish. See those other two guys sitting at the end of the bar? They're Polish. You still want to tell your "Polack" joke?" The man replies, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times." 有个人走进酒吧坐下，点了杯啤酒。 他跟酒保说：「嘿，想听个波兰笑话吗？」 酒保说： 「你知道吗？我是波兰人。 　看到在那打撞球的两个大个子吗？他们是波兰人。 　看到坐在吧台那端的两个人吗？他们是波兰人。 　你现在还想讲你的『波兰』笑话吗？」 男人回答说： 「如果你们要我他妈的解释笑点五次的话我就不想讲罗！」 13. 科学家 Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans. The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak. "Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun." This, of course was met with much ridicule. They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat. "Simple, we're going at night!" 波兰派了他们最顶尖的科学家团队出席一场国际的科学会议，世界上所有国家都在会议中 比较他们的科学成就和计画。 科学家们听美国人说他们在癌症治疗又进了一大步，俄国人则是打算要派太空船去土星， 以及德国人打算要发明水上能开的车。 然後轮到波兰科学家讲了。 「唔，我们正准备要派出太空船登陆太阳。」 而这句话当然受到众人嘲笑。 他们问波兰科学家说太阳很热要怎麽办？ 「简单，我们晚上才过去。」 14. 钥匙反锁在车子里 Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car? A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out. Q: 你知道那波兰人不小心把钥匙反锁在车里吗？ A: 他要用衣架把车门锁拉开才能把车里的家人救出来。 15. 十点了 In America, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?" In England, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your wife is?" In France, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your husband is?" In Poland, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?" 在美国他们说： 「现在晚间十点，您的孩子在哪里？」 在英国他们说： 「现在晚间十点，您的老婆在哪里？」 在法国他们说： 「现在晚间十点，您的丈夫在哪里？」 在波兰他们说： 「现在晚间十点，您知道现在几点？」 16. 性生活 A Polack went to the doctor and asked him for advice on how to improve his sex life. The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days. Then call him. A week later, the Polack telephoned. "Well," asked the doctor, "has jogging improved your sex life?" "I don't know," said the Polack. "I'm seventy miles from home." 一个波兰人去看医生，希望医生能告诉他一些建议来增进他的性生活。 医生告诉他，每天慢跑10哩，跑七天。 要他七天後再打电话。 一周後，波兰人打给医生了。 「那麽，」医生问：「慢跑有增进你的性生活了吗？」 「不知道耶，」波兰人说：「我现在离家70哩了。」 17. 痛 A woman went to see a doctor. "Doctor, I'm in terrible pain." "Show me where," the doctor said. The woman put her fingers on her arm, "ohhh, right there." Then she put her finger on her chest, "Argggh, right there." Then she put her finger on her stomach, "Owww, right there." The doctor looked at her, "You're not by any chance Polish, are you?" "Why, yes," she replied. "Why?" "You've got a broken finger." 一个女人去看医生：「医生，我现在好痛。」 「哪边痛？指给我看。」医生说。 那女人手指指在她手臂上：「喔喔喔，这边！」 然後她又把手指触向她胸口：「啊啊啊，这边！」 接着她又将手指触向肚子：「喔呜呜，这边！」 医生看着她：「你应该不是波兰人吧？是吗？」 「咦，是啊，」她答：「怎麽了吗？」 「你是手指头骨折。」 18. 尿与精液 (这篇也有点色喔) Why did god make urine yellow and semen white? So Poles could tell if they were coming or going... 为什麽上帝要让尿是黄色、精液是白色的？ 这样波兰人才知道他们是尿出来了还是射出来了。 19. 玻璃船底 Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats? A: To see to the old Polish navy. Q: 为什麽波兰海军新的船用玻璃做船底？ A: 为了看见波兰老兵。 注：酸波兰海军太烂，老兵都死在海里 20. 戴绿帽 This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!" 有一天波兰人工作完回家，挂好外套， 拿掉帽子後走到卧房大叫：「亲爱的我回家罗！」 没想到他竟看见他最好的朋友跟他老婆躺在床上。 他勃然大怒，冲去拿出厨柜的枪，然後指着自己的头。 他的老婆开始大笑。 「不要笑！」波兰人大叫：「你是下一个！」 21. 木工 A Polak went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?" "Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?" "Well, you see," said the Polak, "My neighbor moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose." 一个波兰人去找木工，说： 「可以帮我造一个箱子，高2寸、宽2寸，长50尺吗？」 「嗯......」木工沉思着： 「要做是可以，我猜啦。但是你要做这种箱子要干嘛？」 「嗯，你知道吗，」波兰人说： 「我的邻居搬家了，但是有东西忘记拿走， 　所以他叫我帮他把花园里的水管寄给他。」 22. 教皇 A traveling salesman has an audience with the Pope and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke... "Have you heard the one about the two Polish priests, Holy Father?" "But I AM Polish, my son." There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ... "That's OK, Holy Father, I'll tell you it slowly." 一个业务员要觐见教皇， 但是他不清楚要说什麽，於是想要讲个笑话来破冰。 「您听过两个波兰神父的笑话吗，圣父？」 「但我就是波兰人，我的孩子。」 经过一段意味深长的停顿後，业务员很快的思考并说： 「没关系，圣父，我会讲慢一点的。」 23. 海葬 A Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died. Five sailors died digging his grave. 一位波兰海军上将希望死後能够海葬。 五个士兵死於为上将挖坟。 24. 猜猜几只鱼 A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them." 一个波兰人拿着牛皮纸袋走在街上。 他碰到他一个朋友，他朋友问说： 「嘿，你袋子里是什麽？」 波兰人告诉他朋友说里面有一些鱼。 他朋友说： 「啊，那我跟你打个赌。 　如果我猜中你袋子里有几只鱼，你就送我一只。」 波兰人说： 「不然这样吧！如果你猜中我袋子里有几只鱼， 　我就把里面这两只鱼都送给你。」 25. 大卖场停电 In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours. 波兰最大的大卖场有一天停电了。 人们被困在电扶梯上长达四个小时。 -- ●` ˊ● ▲ ● ▲ Belleaya 极短篇小说创作 ㄟ_▲_ㄏ www.facebook.com/belleaya.pixnet.net belleaya ▲▊ http://www.facebook.com/belleaya.pixnet.net ▲ http://www.facebook.com/belleaya.pixnet.net ▲ ▼ --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 59.126.201.3 ※ 编辑: belleaya 来自: 59.126.201.3 (06/06 21:02)

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ※ 转录者: tyui0459 (111.255.74.172), 时间: 06/08/2013 00:31:04 ※ 编辑: tyui0459 来自: 111.255.74.172 (06/08 00:31)